Let it come

Happy New Year. How did you celebrate it?

I was with P, his parents, friends of his parents and his eldest brother on Phillip Island (128km away) when Livinia Nixon and John So, Mayor of Melbourne, counted down to 0 and Melbourne was lit up by fireworks from about five spots around the city. A friend who was there, on site, said it was fantastic, twelve minutes of gorgeous fireworks display and from the news, I could see there were thousands of people on the streets. So much so, majority of them were stranded in the city after public transport ended for the night.

I didn't wish I was in Melbourne. Frankly, the dense-ness of the crowds would have made me very nervous, and claustrophobic, and I wouldn't have enjoyed myself. I wanted a quiet one (as I always do with important occasions), and I got a quiet one. Though, to tell you the truth, P and I were half asleep for most of the night - we reckoned we overeat at dinner (or tea as the country folks calls it).

Fireworks for us was at 9.30pm, Phillip Island having followed Sorento's example from last year and banned all entertainment after 9.30pm to discourage youthful revellers and general all-round louts. Didn't seem to have worked. At 3am, the young 'uns were still walking the streets and hooting! I suppose it was safer at any rate. Alcohol was banned on the sidewalks so there weren't teenagers on the street drinking and getting disgustingly drunk and hence, rowdy. We went down to the beach and had an unobstructed view of the fireworks which was set up on the pier about one and a half kilometres away. With the seabreeze, the cool sand beneath our feet, and it being late dusk, it was wonderfully idyllic.

There were fireworks - I suspect illegal ones - at midnight. We stood outside for awhile watching it before going in. His parents were on the balcony. I stopped awhile, chatting to his dad before P came barelling out to pull me back inside, where I found Livinia Nixon counting down. Couldn't figure out if Livinia was late or if our watches were fast. As fireworks erupted over Melbourne, and the people next door lit sparklers, he turned me around and we kissed. Funny how it doesn't matter to me in the least if there were strangers about but when we were in the presence of people we know, I get all bashful.

2003 was a humdinger of a year. P said, "What a year it has been," and indeed, it has. I realised my relationship with my parents are best conducted, at the moment, with a continent separating us. I discovered I adored the creativity behind planning and organizing events. I worked hard, and played hard. I met a wonderful person who supports me in every way imaginable and lends me strength whenever I need it. I have grown cynical about people, but that has been countered by P's thoughtfulness. I am finally growing into my name, but Liv still reflects the core of me.

I have grown a lot in the last year. I have felt it, but I'm having trouble articulating the changes. I'm too close to the subject. You, who have followed pieces of my journey - please let me know what you've noticed. True reflection comes from with-out, rather than with-in. Let this be an exercise in peer evaluation for improvements in the year ahead.