Mum took one look at me and said, "We're starting you on a diet tomorrow." Dad mentioned casually, "You do look a little rounder."

I ignored them and gaped at Darren. He's a hefty young fellow now, and his head reaches my chin. Mum noticed my goldfish impression, and nudged me. "Look at the size of him!" I burst out. "He's so tall. So big. OMG, look at the size of him!" He's built like a young bull now, for goodness sakes. "What have you been eating, boy?!!!" The boy in question ducked his head bashfully and disappeared into the car.

So yes, I'm being cajoled into doing the Atkins diet. She then muttered something about a liver cleansing diet, or perhaps a vegetarian diet, or maybe another cleansing diet. Good lord! Next thing you'll know, I'll be eating bananas upside down just cause she reckons I would lose weight if I did it that way.

The woman is determined that I lose at least 5 kgs before I go back to Melbourne. I'm inclined to let her have her way. I'm going to a wedding in three weeks. The first wedding of my generation (I went to university with the bride) - I must look good.