My mother has been, for months now, trying to figure out how to txt her children from her mobile phone. Her children live overseas, you see. So, last night, one of her children patiently went through the simple steps. My mother took careful notes and said, "Okay. I'm going to try it now." She promptly hung up.

My mother's eldest child chuckled and skipped back to her room to collect her mobile phone. She yelled out to her brother, "Don't you dare go online now. Mum's going to try to txt us, and she might call back on the house phone!"

My mother's eldest child's brother grumbled back, "Huh?! What for?!"

My mother's eldest child said, "Just do as I say!!"

Five minutes later, the following txt message popped up on my mother's eldest child's phone.

"HI OLIVIA MUM HERE PLAY WITH NEW TOY. DAD ENJOY SENDING 2 ME"

Oh, how sweet. My mother's husband sending love notes to my mother. How incredibly romantic of my mother's husband.

My mother's eldest child sent back a message.

"Haha! new toy for both of you then. now you both can send to us."

My mother rang her eldest child's mobile phone a few minutes later. She asked, "Did you get it? Did you get it?"

Her eldest child replied, "Yes, I did. Yes, I did. I sent one back too."

My mother said, "Oh? I didn't get that."

Her eldest child consoled, "It'll come through in a few minutes."

My mother said, "Oh, okay," and rang off.

My mother eventually got the message her eldest child sent. In reply she sent the following.

"I GUESS SO. UR DADDY W DO IT MORE OFTEN"

"Oh, horror," thought my mother's eldest child. "Messages from Dad on the hour, now that Mum's got the hang of it. She's bound to inform Dad. Oh horror."

My mother's eldest child had flash images of the following.

"OLIVIA. RING YOUR MOTHER NOW"

"OLIVIA. CHECK ON YOUR BROTHER AND REPORT BACK. NOW."

"OLIVIA. UR OUT LATE. GO HOME NOW."

Oh, horror.

The pink cherry blossoms are giving way to nondescript brown shoots. The romance of cool winter is being replaced by the bright reality, and warmth of spring.

Meanwhile, I seem to have two meetings scheduled at the same lunchtime. How did that happen?

Girlfriends from years ago inform me of their happy news. One is married, and has been for the past 18 months. Another tells me she's currently with one she knew since high school.

I hear their news. I rejoice with them. But my heart weeps for what might have been, for a moment. For a little while, I'm bleeding from inside. For a moment, I can't bear to go on.

Then, I am bathed in warm sunlight. I draw a deep, cleansing breath, and I go on. After a while, I smile. I laugh.

I forget.

I go on.

Next to you, I am inconsequential. Next to you, I am insignificant. Next to you, I am invisible. I am inferior to you in every way but emotion.

I speak too much. I act too impulsively. My gestures are too quick, my speech tripping. I try too hard. My every move is over the top, flamboyant. I feel excessively. I care too much.

My one key strength, my one key weakness.

Next to you, I am nothing. Next to you, I am no-one. Next to you, I am less than ordinary. I have no special skills, no wild talent, but one ...

I sense your deepest fears.

They are my own.

I am lonely on my path. It's long, it's difficult, it's stony. Your company makes it pleasurable. But I have to realise I can't make you walk the path I'm walking.

We're meant for different paths, you and I.

So we walk separate paths. But what if the paths never meet? What if they never converge? What if they veer further away from each other? What if we lose sight of each other?

I am frightened of losing sight of you.

There's a quiet contentment in seeing the wild inscribings in the diary I use to organise my days.

Look, I have a purpose.

There's a candle in the window every night
reflecting all our hopes and dreams

I have been holding that candle, hoping that you will somehow find your way to me soon. But soon will not come, will it?

I finally realised that last night when I rang you to say hi, and you brushed me off oh so casually. I read volumes into the "I'll talk to you later, okay?". No, I don't think I'm being unreasonable nor am I mistaken. I heard the reluctance. I heard the impatience. I felt the insincerity. I know your failed intentions. I know the lip service you speak.

It's time to lick my wounds and move on. It's time to let you go and allow my disappearance from your life. There's nothing left to say. There's nothing left to do.

It's time to extinguish that candle, and light another to shine me on another path.