My mother has been, for months now, trying to figure out how to txt her children from her mobile phone. Her children live overseas, you see. So, last night, one of her children patiently went through the simple steps. My mother took careful notes and said, "Okay. I'm going to try it now." She promptly hung up.

My mother's eldest child chuckled and skipped back to her room to collect her mobile phone. She yelled out to her brother, "Don't you dare go online now. Mum's going to try to txt us, and she might call back on the house phone!"

My mother's eldest child's brother grumbled back, "Huh?! What for?!"

My mother's eldest child said, "Just do as I say!!"

Five minutes later, the following txt message popped up on my mother's eldest child's phone.

"HI OLIVIA MUM HERE PLAY WITH NEW TOY. DAD ENJOY SENDING 2 ME"

Oh, how sweet. My mother's husband sending love notes to my mother. How incredibly romantic of my mother's husband.

My mother's eldest child sent back a message.

"Haha! new toy for both of you then. now you both can send to us."

My mother rang her eldest child's mobile phone a few minutes later. She asked, "Did you get it? Did you get it?"

Her eldest child replied, "Yes, I did. Yes, I did. I sent one back too."

My mother said, "Oh? I didn't get that."

Her eldest child consoled, "It'll come through in a few minutes."

My mother said, "Oh, okay," and rang off.

My mother eventually got the message her eldest child sent. In reply she sent the following.

"I GUESS SO. UR DADDY W DO IT MORE OFTEN"

"Oh, horror," thought my mother's eldest child. "Messages from Dad on the hour, now that Mum's got the hang of it. She's bound to inform Dad. Oh horror."

My mother's eldest child had flash images of the following.

"OLIVIA. RING YOUR MOTHER NOW"

"OLIVIA. CHECK ON YOUR BROTHER AND REPORT BACK. NOW."

"OLIVIA. UR OUT LATE. GO HOME NOW."

Oh, horror.