I am furious. I have a lump in my throat. I am tempted to cry.

It's probably because I am tensed with the waiting. It's probably because I had unsettling dreams last night. It's probably because I am anxious, again waiting for a call. It's probably because the sun, the moon and the stars are all perfectly aligned to influence my moods negatively. It's probably because it's that time of the month again. Yes, it's probably all that.

After weeks of silence, after I had promised myself all sorts of promises to preserve my sanity, he pops up, assuming that everything is fine. He expects me to be around. He expects me to be always there. He assumes that I will always understand. He thinks me always placid, always calm, always cheerful. So, it comes to a huge surprise to him when I send back a simmering message. But does he sit down and work it all out with me? Noooo, he says, "I got up early today. I need a nap. I'm going to bed."

How he avoids uncomfortable issues. How he hates conflict. How he hates it whenever he has to go beyond his comfort zone. How he turns a blind eye to whatever that is unpleasant.

How I hate that about him.

How I still think he's the most beautiful boy in the world for me.

Spineless fool.

It's probably because it's that time of the month again. Yes, it's probably that.