I want to play

I grew up this Toys'R'Us jingle ...

i don't want to grow up
i'm a toys'r'us kid
we've got millions of toys that i can play with

It's resonating in my mind right now, especially after learning of the developments in Joy's life, which came soon after I learned that an ex-classmate, whom I had a friendly competitive relationship while we were at school, is getting married at the end of the year.

Change never sat comfortably with me. I resist obstinately at every change that came my way, and will probably do so for the rest of my life. Eventually, I yield and embrace the change, but I do need that period of adjustment in the beginning as my mind accustomed itself to the change.

Funny how I haven't yet yielded to the process of change itself. Change is probably the only constant, after all.

In my five year old heart, I don't want anything to change. I want things as they are. I still want to play, damn it. None of this budgeting thing to figure out whether or not I can afford a new car and to move out because that drive to clear to the other side of the city three days a week will slowly kill me. None of this working close to insane hours, and then over-compensating because I feel a need to have "a life". None of this looking up one day and wondering absently where your friends have disappeared to, and that poor P is now your one and only reliable "girlfriend".

But that's my five year old in me wanting to play.

Reality (or is it) is, even though the job is hectic, the hours long and I seem to do mostly administrative things, I do enjoy it. I am able to do the developmental work that I enjoy - develop and then implement it. I work with people who are passionate and drive themselves hard to produce high quality work, and this is a joy in itself.

Still, change is hateful and to be resisted violently, at first. Even "good" change. Give me another three months, darlings, then I'll wax lyrical about life - that is, provided there aren't any changes in the next three months.